本非光语之时间期待映像馆

（转）关于审计的笑话:我太太是一名注册会计师

庆幸summer把最严厉的审计攻下了，但是摆在眼前的最后3门课也不是好欺负的。。。

我太太是一名职业女性：注册会计师。当她要从冰箱里拿食物的时候总是使用后进先出法。LIFO=last in first out

她认为我不擅长数字。我也同意这点，因为她现在控制我们家的预算。开始，她每个月末给我一张账单，但是当我告诉她我不是她的客户而是她的丈夫的时候，她就要求预支先进。过去几个月，我们家的开支一直在稳定增长，所以有一天我偷偷的查看了现在卷宗中的文件。怪不得！她将开车的里程和加班都算入我们家的预算里了。她疯了！我告诉她，但是她却纠正我：不，亲爱的，我才是审计师。我顿时倍感黑暗。

我们家的每一张纸片都被归档。她告诉我，根据某项该死的制度，她必须把所有的东西保留至少十年的备份之后才能把它销毁。我非常抑郁。Auditing evidence

那天，我们吵了一个小时的架。后来，我得知她把那个小时算进了了她的一个客户的时间表里。而我的时间则按照“无所事事”被记了下来。

她说她很爱我，我告诉她我也很爱她。然而，她从来不相信我。她说这一点有可能被误述。靠！她要求我对这点做重述！Misleading and redoing

去年我们家的账户获得了一个合格的审计意见。我没有保留我买东西的支持文件。不久之前，我们隆重庆祝了我弟弟的婚礼。我们发出去了许多婚礼卡片。过了一段时间，我开始不停的收到一些回信。我很困惑，知道我太太向我解释外部证据更加可靠。她要求所有那些收到卡片的人给她回复函证。Circularization required form McKenson and Robinson case

当她做饭的时候，我太太有时候不按食谱进行。食谱上面说加半勺醋，一勺盐或者一杯水的时候，她都直接忽略掉。她说这点东西与整顿饭的材料相比并不是实质性重大的。 Material test: 10%

我跟你说，她简直疯了！然而令人惊奇的是别人都叫她审计师。我查了查字典，上面并没有说审计师是疯狂的同义词。这本字典一定过时了。Mission impossible on true and fair view

我们结婚的时候，她给我我一份（审计）业务约定书（这个也可以翻成订婚信），我还说多可爱多甜蜜啊。现在，她每年都会给我一份，她说她的准则要求一旦有迹象表明我可能误解了审计业务的目的和范围就必须给我一份新的。靠！

除了一再给我审计业务约定书之外，她还说我不能随便就摆脱她。她说我在指定别人之前她有权了解情况。Auditors’ rights on resignation

咳！有一段时间，我还以为我们的持续经营状态收到了威胁了那。靠！我敢说么？Insolvency issue

我的一名女同事嫁给了一名注册会计师，她告诉我当男方是注册会计师的时候情况会更糟。他将所有结婚的费用当做开办费资本化，然后每年冲销。并且，他和他太太在结婚前约会的时间仍然在估值中……作为无形资产估值。
伙计们，你们可想好了……你真的要娶一个注册会计师么？如果非要娶的话，请按照合适的利率对其进行贴现以得到这样做的现值和风险！！！

2008年大选美国总统奥巴马胜选演说

Hello, Chicago.
 

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a
place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of
our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our
democracy, tonight is your answer.

It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and
churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited
three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives,
because they believed that this time must be different, that their
voices could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and
Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay,
straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to
the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a
collection of red states and blue
states.

We are, and always will be, the United States of America.

It's the answer that led those who've been told for so long by so
many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve
to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward
the hope of a better
day.

It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on
this date in this election at this defining moment change has come to
America.

A little bit earlier this evening, I received an extraordinarily gracious call from Sen. McCain.

Sen. McCain fought long and hard in this campaign. And he's fought
even longer and harder for the country that he loves. He has endured
sacrifices for America that most of us cannot begin to imagine. We are
better off for the service rendered by this brave and selfless
leader.

I congratulate him; I congratulate Gov. Palin for all that they've
achieved. And I look forward to working with them to renew this
nation's promise in the months
ahead.

I want to thank my partner in this journey, a man who campaigned
from his heart, and spoke for the men and women he grew up with on the
streets of Scranton and rode with on the train home to Delaware, the
vice president-elect of the United States, Joe
Biden.

And I would not be standing here tonight without the unyielding
support of my best friend for the last 16 years the rock of our family,
the love of my life, the nation's next first lady Michelle
Obama.

Sasha and Malia I love you both more than you can imagine. And you
have earned the new puppy that's coming with us to the new White
House.

And while she's no longer with us, I know my grandmother's watching,along with the family that made me who I am. I miss them tonight. Iknow that my debt to them is beyond measure.

To my sister Maya, my sister Alma, all my other brothers and sisters, thank you so much for all the support that you've given me. I am grateful to them.

And to my campaign manager, David Plouffe, the unsung hero of this campaign, who built the best -- the best political campaign, I think, in the history of the United States of America.

To my chief strategist David Axelrod who's been a partner with me every step of the way.

To the best campaign team ever assembled in the history of politics you made this happen, and I am forever grateful for what you'ven sacrificed to get it done.

But above all, I will never forget who this victory truly belongs to. It belongs to you. It belongs to you.

I was never the likeliest candidate for this office. We didn't start with much money or many endorsements. Our campaign was not hatched in the halls of Washington. It began in the backyards of Des Moines and the living rooms of Concord and the front porches of Charleston. It was built by working men and women who dug into what little savings they had to give $5 and $10 and $20 to the cause.

It grew strength from the young people who rejected the myth of their generation's apathy who left their homes and their families for jobs that offered little pay and less sleep.

It drew strength from the not-so-young people who braved the bitter cold and scorching heat to knock on doors of perfect strangers, and from the millions of Americans who volunteered and organized and proved that more than two centuries later a government of the people, by the people, and for the people has not perished from the Earth.

This is your victory.

And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me.

You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. For even as we celebrate tonight, we know the challenges that tomorrow will bring are the greatest of our lifetime -- two wars, a planet in peril, the worst financial crisis in a century.

Even as we stand here tonight, we know there are brave Americans waking up in the deserts of Iraq and the mountains of Afghanistan to risk their lives for us.

There are mothers and fathers who will lie awake after the children fall asleep and wonder how they'll make the mortgage or pay their doctors' bills or save enough for their child's college education.

There's new energy to harness, new jobs to be created, new schools to build, and threats to meet, alliances to repair.

The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there.

I promise you, we as a people will get there.

There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president. And we know the government can't solve every problem.

But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree. And, above all, I will ask you to join in the work of remaking this nation, the only way it's been done in America for 221 years -- block by block, brick by brick, calloused hand by calloused hand.

What began 21 months ago in the depths of winter cannot end on this autumn night.

This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were.

It can't happen without you, without a new spirit of service, a new spirit of sacrifice.

So let us summon a new spirit of patriotism, of responsibility, where each of us resolves to pitch in and work harder and look after not only ourselves but each other.

Let us remember that, if this financial crisis taught us anything, it's that we cannot have a thriving Wall Street while Main Street suffers.

In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long.

Let's remember that it was a man from this state who first carried the banner of the Republican Party to the White House, a party founded on the values of self-reliance and individual liberty and national unity.

Those are values that we all share. And while the Democratic Party has won a great victory tonight, we do so with a measure of humility and determination to heal the divides that have held back our progress.

As Lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours, we are not enemies but friends. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection.

And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too.

And to all those watching tonight from beyond our shores, from parliaments and palaces, to those who are huddled around radios in the forgotten corners of the world, our stories are singular, but our destiny is shared, and a new dawn of American leadership is at hand.

To those -- to those who would tear the world down: We will defeat you. To those who seek peace and security: We support you. And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope.

That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.

This election had many firsts and many stories that will be told for generations. But one that's on my mind tonight's about a woman who cast her ballot in Atlanta. She's a lot like the millions of others who stood in line to make their voice heard in this election except for one thing: Ann Nixon Cooper is 106 years old.

She was born just a generation past slavery; a time when there were no cars on the road or planes in the sky; when someone like her couldn't vote for two reasons -- because she was a woman and because of the color of her skin.

And tonight, I think about all that she's seen throughout her century in America -- the heartache and the hope; the struggle and the progress; the times we were told that we can't, and the people who pressed on with that American creed: Yes we can.

At a time when women's voices were silenced and their hopes dismissed, she lived to see them stand up and speak out and reach for the ballot. Yes we can.

When there was despair in the dust bowl and depression across the land, she saw a nation conquer fear itself with a New Deal, new jobs, a new sense of common purpose. Yes we can.

When the bombs fell on our harbor and tyranny threatened the world, she was there to witness a generation rise to greatness and a democracy was saved. Yes we can.

She was there for the buses in Montgomery, the hoses in Birmingham, a bridge in Selma, and a preacher from Atlanta who told a people that "We Shall Overcome." Yes we can.

A man touched down on the moon, a wall came down in Berlin, a world was connected by our own science and imagination.

And this year, in this election, she touched her finger to a screen, and cast her vote, because after 106 years in America, through the best of times and the darkest of hours, she knows how America can change.

Yes we can.

America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves -- if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can.

Thank you. God bless you. And may God bless the United States of America.